Rosalie's Tale
by Mint
Summary: Rosalie's point of view somewhere after the events of Eclipse. Just a peek on what goes in her mind. One-shot


**Rosalie's Tale**

I wanted to tell them I'm sorry for everything I say, for being so annoying…

It's not my fault… It's just something stronger than me… I don't mean to be this way, most of the times… But I just am. They don't understand me, that must be it. They don't understand what it's like to be me, to have been me before I became immortal, to have been through all that I've been through… Their lives sure have not been easy too but if they had just tasted the way I felt back then… The wound is still so fresh…

I feel so left out at times, I wonder if they ever get it. Esme and Alice have always been so close, I know they love me as much but they have never been the same with me. I suppose I'm to blame, I don't make it easy, but I do love them so. And now with Bella… At times I wonder if they like her better than they like me… And I've been with them for so long now… How I'd love to have Edward's gift… To know what they are all thinking. But they don't get it… They're all so talented, so special… Carlisle's way of thinking and self-control, Esme's patience and pure kindness, Alice's vision, Edward's gift to hear thoughts, Jasper's way of manipulating feelings, even Emmett has his unnatural strength… What do I have? My looks? Not that I mind at all being beautiful but oh what a useful gift! I can see it in their eyes when I pass just too much time looking at my reflection in the mirror… I have always been beautiful but when I became… a vampire… My hands automatically turned into tight fists at the thought of it… It still irritates me that word and what goes behind it… The price I had to pay when I had become one… I don't blame Carlisle though, he gave me an opportunity to avenge myself. I swear I can still taste the blood spatter in my face, in my mouth. I look at my open hands, palms up and see the dark red liquid of the ones that hurt me. It felt so good to make justice. They deserved the slow deaths I granted them. I deserved to watch them die. My new powers…

Also, I had never seen such white perfect flawless skin… Such deep golden round eyes, such smooth blond hair glittering in the light. But, silently, I watch their reactions as their eyes catch my figure… I don't need to have Edward's gift then to know what's crossing their minds… _"Oh another hour looking at herself."_ Or, _"Doesn't she ever get tired of knowing how beautiful she is?"_, followed by their crimson eyes rolling at me. It's always the same. There were times at the beginning that I cared… But now it has been such routine, so automatic over the many years that I don't bother anymore to pretend that everything is all right with me, that I don't care what they think. The truth is… I'm broken in so many ways. The looks never reveal it, or I've made such efforts all these years to put a smile on my face, a blank expression now and then, a mechanical laugh at some joke, the same perfect pose, that they just don't realize what's really going on inside me. Except Edward but he ignores me, he just leaves me be, or I think he just doesn't want to get involved with my problems. I see it in his eyes the words forming _"She has Emmett to worry about her."_ It sounds like I'm a faker putting things that way, but my feelings for them all are really true. They're real. At times I'm happier, other times I'm crashing down but that is normal I guess. The important thing is not showing weakness.

At first, when I was alone, things were harder… When it was only me and Edward. He despised me I could tell when there was no way possible to avoid conversation with me, his frowned eyebrows, a sigh of impatience escaping through his lips, crinkled nose. I could never understand why I was so indifferent to him. No… so disgusting to him really. Now I do… he just prefers humans… That makes me laugh, though I've always hid the fact that I prefer he fell for a human rather than a vampire. Not that I'm jealous of Bella because of Edward, the hate between us is actually mutual, but, I like to think I'm the most beautiful amongst the beautiful. There it goes again… My selfishness. I can't help it, I was born a stuck-up. Superior to everyone. Always used to getting what I wanted. Except that one time I felt lower than the dirt on the ground I was dying on… Bleeding there to death… Broken. I shook my head trying to suppress the foggy memory. How could something so long gone sometimes still look so vivid in my mind? It wasn't like that for Alice why must I still remember? There are times the images haunt me worse than other times. But being a vampire must have its advantages... Sure a few more years not thinking of it and soon there would be no recollection at all, or so I truly hope so. I guess it's just hard, human or not, getting over a shock like that was. I swore to myself back then I would never again be treated that way, I would be stronger, no one would ever see me fail, see me losing. I guess that reflects on part of my behaviour… This shield I've created.

And then there was Emmett… There are simply no words to describe the way I feel for him. With him, I'm me… He knows me inside and out and is the only one who is not bothered by my selfish ways of thinking and acting. He understands me, he shelters me, he completes me, and he loves me as much as I love him. He's the one with me when my temper goes wild, I feel sorry for him when that happens, he stays there calming myself, watching me yell and never giving up on me. That's something I find amazing in him, he listens to me without getting angry. His patience with me.

I may love him more than he loves me actually when I react like that. Sometimes I ask myself that question when I do something that makes Edward burst out the room fuming. When I say something I shouldn't have, I always look at Emmett, just to check if that same love is still there or I've just lost him. But every time I look at his eyes, there it is, the loving, warm expression of care for me, of admiration. I was never one to blush, but if I had that opportunity now, looking at Emmett would do the trick. Also, if I still had human emotions, tears would be there too. Tears of solitude at times… Just by being left out of some conversation no one needs Rosalie to take down or make fun of. When I see Bella cry, I can't help but wonder how the warm water rolling down the cheek must feel, I can't help craving for that warmth on my cheek, silly as it may seem. She must really be crazy for wanting to trade all of that to be one of us… It makes me angry that someone thinks like that. I would give anything to be human again. I've asked myself a lot of times that if I was in her place, if I would give up my human life for Emmett… Can't seem to get to a conclusion… As much as I love Emmett… Nothing can replace the void that lingers inside me. The hole in my chest… nothing can replace it, but what the human life holds. The chance of having children, my children… Beautiful blond children running around my house… Ah the thought of having a real family of my own blood!

I look up at the sky through the dense leaves at the top of the tall trees covering me as I stand here in the forest, away from everyone, a dry sob escaped from my chest to my throat. The sun beams struggling to reach the soil through the vegetation. Only a few faint light rays reach my skin. I sometimes go away to think, to escape from the noise, from the constant uncomfortable feeling of having someone there who can read our deep thoughts. Only when I'm perfectly out of his range of hearing, I can really think freely. At first it bothered me deeply how he could read my thoughts without any sort of permission, but now I just let it go, although sometimes I need my own time. At least, something is good in Edward… He keeps things to himself. All he knows from our minds he doesn't even tell Bella. We're lucky Edward is the one with this gift. Such gentleman this brother of mine. I hurt his feelings though… If things have always been bad between us, I really was able to ruin every drop of consideration we had towards each other. Him to me mostly. When I called him telling Bella had died when it wasn't true. His pleadings for not interfering, just to go on with our lives, forget about Bella. But he had to know if it was true! I owed him that much. The truth… I didn't mean wrong, if it was me I would appreciate someone telling me. I try to put myself in their place at times. Plus I had no idea what his intentions were, I had no idea he was more than ready to die for her, for a simple human. Bella surprised me though. The way she told Edward it was everything all right, that it was over, for him not to be mad at me. That trip in the car coming back home… My shield cracked a little bit, I was feeling terrible for what I had done. I could almost feel ashamed if I had the ability to feel that way. I was able to understand then for a while why Edward loves her so much. She's different from all the humans we've come across. Heck, she wants to be a vampire she must really be different from all the rest!

Suddenly, I hear his steps in my direction about three miles away from where I stand. My soul mate, if I have one… His scent will soon be noticed. I could distinguish Emmett's footsteps if he was in the middle of a crowd of people walking. So gentle, so determined, so graceful but strong. I smile as the footsteps become louder. He must have realized I was missing for a huge while now. I wonder what kept him so long from coming to find me. Seconds later Emmett's muscled body appears a few steps away from me, in the middle of some trees. His hair all messy from hitting the leaves as he ran. He rests one of his hands on one tree's stem and smiles triumphantly at me.

"Found you." His voice is like heaven to me. If it exists for us, my heaven would be Emmett for all eternity… Humm… Interesting idea of heaven, I must be living it already. Cursed, but in heaven.

"You took your time." I replied with a tone of complaint for wondering what could be more important than coming to find me.

"I figured you wanted some time alone." He said taking two steps in my direction. He knows me so well he made me grin of wonder. I noticed his body stiffening as he watched me grin, proud of being mine. Every dead cell in my body craves for everything in him. Without breathing, I reached out to him, placing my arms around him in a tight needing embrace that he completed with his strong arms. I listened to him breathing in my scent as he caressed his face in my skin. So smooth it would make me shiver I was sure. His lips pressed lightly on the bottom of my neck, he closed his eyes kissing up until they fully reached my mouth. We kissed passionately until I had the strength to pull him away between his stubborn grip. A love like ours should be forbidden. I was so happy he was there with me.

"I missed you." I said as he lifted his hand to carefully stroke my cheek.

"I didn't take that long!" He grinned as his eyes scanned my face. "Is everything all right?" His eyes turned curious now watching attentively my expression.

"All the time you're not with me is that long." And I realized how anxious I felt to be with him. Now I was soothed, my problems seemed to be all gone, I don't need anything else but him. Yes, all the worries, all the questions, all my fears were gone because he was here. I didn't save him from death when I rescued him from that bear, HE saved me. Forever, as long as he stays with me, I'm all right. "And yes, everything is fine." Thank you Emmett.

I ever too eagerly reached for his lips with mine.

- The End


End file.
